Talking to myself

***** WARNING. THIS BLOG MIGHT NOT MAKE ANY SENSE. READ WITH CAUTION *****


Today has been a day full of thoughts. It will not surprise you that I spend a lot of time talking to myself. I feel it's the product of being an only child. One who was sheltered, loved, needed, adored, and sometimes alone. I can talk to myself about anything, and give myself opinions without fear of reprisal. I talk to myself mostly in the car. It's nice to know that most people who see me talking in the car either think I am singing along to the radio or think I'm talking on a phone.

Someone once said to me that it's ok to talk to yourself. It's ok to answer yourself. but if yourself ever says "huh?" then it is time to worry.

Today is the first day I ever said "huh?" to myself.

I have always had an opinion of things. I have an outsiders view and while I certainly like to give my 2 cents worth, I've hardly ever been hurt or offended when it was rejected.
Today while driving I had a complete conversation with myself that was unpleasent. It's something that needed to be done and I was trying it out on myself before I tried it out on another person.  As I was talking through my thoughts out loud, I had a sudden moment where I completely forgot what I was saying and had to pause.

I don't know if it was because I was worried about a reaction, if I was having a medical moment, or just a pretend brunnet moment. but I actually said out loud to myself, "huh?"

It came back to me in a flash, but kind of scared me. I've realized that I am so worried about a certain thing that I can not deal with it and as I know I must, I seem to shut it down.

I feel better now as I finally talked to the person I needed to. I feel bad though that I probably brought some pain to that person, but hard questions needed to be asked, and even harder answers needed to be said.

Now my process is to deal with the answers I received.