some of my life so far

It's been a while since I blogged. I have been feeling down and out and well.... not very blogger friendly. I lost a dear friend at Christmas time, and I think it has effected me more than I thought. I have found that my laziness has increased almost 10 fold since that night.  I know that some of it is truly physical, but I have to wonder exactly how much is mental. He died of a massive heart attack 3 weeks shy of his 42nd birthday.

He smoked and drank and I know didn't have a good lifestyle, but I don't either. I don't smoke nor do I drink to excess, but how close is this for me? Once again it has brought back my sense of mortality and I find myself worried about what it will be like to die. I worry that Dan will wake up one morning to find I have died peacefully in my sleep, or that he will come home and find me dead on the floor.

I am concerned with how he will handle this happening to me, not to mention my family and friends. I worry that I will live too long, and will have to work until I die just to make sure that Dan has enough money to give me a simple but proper burial. I have decided that I do want to be buried next to my dad. I would like Dan to be buried over me, if they will do that at that cemetery.

I worry about my kitties..... who will take care of them if something happens and Dan and I go at the same time? Sigh, it's a lot to keep thinking of.

I have been planning our trip to DisneyWorld. I would love for Bill and Beth to come with us, but I know they cannot afford it. Beth thinks that they might, if we could hold off until August. But I am afraid if we don't do it now, we won't. I've been planning it for the first full week in May. Me, Dan and Jared. We'll see how that goes. I have a feeling that this will be our last big amusement park trip. I have such a hard time getting around, and Dan is no spring chicken anymore.

Lance called me when he heard that Jared was getting to go to the World, rather than the Land. He was a bit upset.  I did truly feel bad, but I have to stand my ground. He got to go on a trip with us, and that is that.

When I said that DWorld was just like DLand, he did tell me it wasn't. When I said: "how do you know?" he told be he knew because he looked it up. I have to remember those little boys are growing up and getting smarter all the time.

Dan of course is not nearly as excited as I am. I have found that I am once again obsessing with the whole trip. I have bought books on my kindle that offer advise and such on how to travel around DWorld. I even read an 800 page book about it. (never again!)

I got a bonus from work that will help with the cost as this has to come out of my house fund money. But I think it will be worth it. I need to have my taxes done and hope that there will be enough of a return to help as well.

I am looking forward to a bit of time off from work. This vacation will come and go and just before Jill goes out on maternity leave. I am going to greatly miss her while she is out. I am sad she can't be a stay at home mom for her sake, but I have to admit for my sake I am glad she has to come back.

It's almost time to leave work. I am excited to go home and just be with Dan.