No matter who it is, getting dumped sucks

So I got a letter in the mail posted dated 3/6/13. It was from my primary care doctor. I have been seeing this man for roughly 15 years. In the last 4 or 5 years I have had a harder time going to see him. If you have read this blog, you would know I am a horrible diabetic. I feel guilt every time I see him because I just can't seem to keep up with our plan on my treatment. I don't always go see him when I should.

A while ago he sent me the first letter pretty much chastising me for not taking the calls from his staff when they wanted to set up an office visit and how I should be seeing him every 3 months. I felt bad and vowed to do better.  Then about a year after that he pretty much wrote me the same thing, again in letter, and added that if I didn't want to be his patient anymore I had better straighten up. I admit I was shocked because after the first letter I didn't ignore the phone calls from his office, and called back to schedule appointments. I admit I was bad because I should have been more proactive and called to make my appointments rather than waiting for his staff to call me.  But they were pretty good about it, and I got a little lazy.

Well this time I totally spaced how much time it had been since I last saw him. So this new letter pretty much hit me out of the blue. Mostly because the minute I saw the envelope, I knew what it was, and realized I hadn't gotten a call from his office in some time. I didn't even open it first. I totally checked my phone to see my most recent calls. See I was getting some annoying solicitation calls for a while in February, and had taken to ignoring them. I thought may e I missed a call from the Doctor's office. But nope, no calls from his office for the last 3 months.  Hum.....
 So I opened the letter curious to know what was going on, and mentally telling myself I would call the next day to set an appointment.

Well the letter was bit of a shock. I got my very own dear Denise letter. He pretty much writes on how my health is apparently more important to him than me, but since I continue to ignore his staff's calls, I could now go and find myself a new doctor.  WTF?

I haven't gotten a single call from them in 3 months nor a voice message in 4. Because that's how far my phone goes back. Needless to say I was pretty upset, but I didn't read the letter correctly because I thought it was just another scare letter. So today I called the office to see if I could make an appointment, and was told by the receptionist that I was listed as no longer this doctors patient.

Yep I had been dumped just like a teenage girl the day before prom. By letter. I told the receptionist what was going on, that I hadn't gotten any calls from the office. He offed to let me speak to the

nurse, but I said I was at work and asked if she could call me back. After I hung up I went through a series of emotions. I was sad and scared at first. I mean now I was alone in an unknown sea. This man knew all my history, and had been there through the ups and downs.

Then I was sad and mad. Mad that he treated me this way with out the courtesy of listening to my side. Then I was angry because I felt like maybe he had set me up and just didn't want me any more. But what a crappy way of breaking up with me.

Tonight as I sit here and type this, I feel some relief. I realize that I was afraid of my doctor. Not that he was mean or cruel (except this last time), but that I never wanted to go see him because he made me feel like a 5 year old being caught stealing a piece of candy from the store.

It is his right of course to refuse service, just as I now realize it is my right to find a new provider. I am a bit scared as I don't want find a doctor who is going to make me feel 5 again, but I hope I can find someone who can truly understand me and my fears. Maybe I can even find someone who. Will spend more than 10 minutes with me during an office visit and will actually listen to me when I talk.

It's liberating to know I have this right. I just have some hope.  So while this doctor was not an awful prom date, I'm glad he broke up with me first.