Unhappy with myself

Yesterday was a blurr. I was 30 minutes late to work and then left after 4 hours. I was sore from Aerobics and so stinking tired. I am VERY tired of being tired. It's such a chore to get anything done that I've allowed my dishes to pile up again, the litter boxes need to be cleaned, and I'm pretty sure that some cat sprayed near my favorite reading chair. I've got laundry to do and I need to scrub the toilet. Yet what am I doing? Sleeping!  It's all I do. I got home yesterday and slept from noon to 6, and then again from 6 to 9 and again from 11 to 7:30 this morning.

I did get a call somewhere in there noon to 6 time frame from the doctors office. It seems I have a urinary tract infection. Yay me!   The nurse was also very quick to inform me that my sugars were sky high and that Dr. T said: " You need to work on your diet. You know this."  The way she said it made me feel like a chastised 6 year old. 

I've said before I have a very hard time being a diabetic. Frankly I suck at it. I know that sounds whiny and I'm certainly not the only person who is bad at it, but I need to get my Sh*t together and work on it better.

You would think after seeing all the problems my Auntie Elaine is going through now at almost 65, I would work harder at taking better care of myself. But I'm delusional. I am an ostrich with my head in the sand, and I am very good at convincing myself I am OK. I even tell myself that I am going to be so good about watching what I eat and taking my medicines, and then it goes out the door.

Today as an example I have convinced myself to go to the store and buy fruit and string cheese. This will be breakfast from now on. But I know that's not really reasonable. I was good all last week at eating salad at work, except for.... Monday because I was late and didn't take lunch, and Thursday because I had a doctors appointment and yesterday because I left early. So hum......  I guess two out of five days?  Not really all week huh?  And I ate 2 PB&J sandwiches when I got home Tuesday and I stopped at Arby's on the way home Wednesday.  I am just totally obsessed with food. Gotta have it.

Dan said to me today what are we going to do about your sugars?  I am so down right now that I said the first thought  I had. "I'll just stop eating all together. That should fix it."
I know that's not the answer and I know I could never do it. But dang it. I am tired.